


for all of the bruises I've caused

by MidnightBlueMoon



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Chapter Eighteen: When a Stranger Calls, Crying, Feelings, Gen, Guilt, Introspection, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 17:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14062194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightBlueMoon/pseuds/MidnightBlueMoon
Summary: Sweet Pea stumbled into the kitchen, turning on the tab and rubbing frantically at the blood clinging to his skin.





	for all of the bruises I've caused

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Jughead's initiation, Sweet Pea is Soft™ and I have a lot of feels about him.  
> The title is a line from Jaymes Youngs's _I'll be good_.  
> 

Sweet Pea closed the door behind himself. When he put his keys down, he carefully avoided looking at his aching hands, but they brushed against the surface of his table and the next breath he took was shaky.

Leaning back against the door, Sweet Pea closed his eyes for a second. The memories of this evening immediately flashed behind his eyelids, the sensation of his own fist connecting with Jughead’s jaw haunting him. The shudder that ran down his spine made him snap his eyes open again. Sweet Pea brought a hand up to rub over his face, but the sight of the dark blood on his skin made something inside him snap. He stumbled into the kitchen, turning on the tab and rubbing frantically at the blood clinging to his skin. _What, will these hand ne’er be clean?_ The broken laughter in the back of his throat turned into a lump, making him breathless. Quoting Shakespeare didn’t seem like the way to go here.

What he had done made him sick. Jughead’s blood was on his hands. And when he wasn't thinking about that, he thought of the way Jughead's hurt eyes still burned themselves into Sweet Pea’s when his girlfriend broke up with him. And when he could repress that memory, he was thinking about Jughead's skin splitting under his knuckle ring. The anger Sweet Pea felt for Betty _fucking_ Cooper was nothing compared to the disgust he felt for himself.

He felt like he was going to throw up, so he didn’t move from his position by the sink. The cold water on his hands had caused the blood to rush back in and made his hands ache. But he deserved it. When he finally felt stable again, he slowly moved from his position bend over the sink.

Dragging himself to his bedroom, he started mechanically undressing, letting his clothes fall to the floor without care. Pulling a shirt over his head, he climbed into bed. He slumped back into the mattress, letting out a shuddering breath. Instinctively he wrapped himself up in his blanket, tight enough so he could pretend it was not just his blanket but someone holding him.

But the cold clung to his skin, the chilly air of the night had seeped into his bones and now he couldn’t get it out anymore. Throwing back the covers, Sweet Pea grabbed the couch blanket and every pillow he could find - which was not a lot, but he took the couch ones and found one in his closet which he didn’t know existed. Throwing them all onto the bed, he settled into them. He pretended he didn’t curl up like a child under his blankets, hugging a pillow to his chest. And if half an hour in the tears started to roll down his cheeks, he didn’t need to acknowledge that.

Tomorrow he would have to be fine and pretend it had taken nothing out of him when he had beat up Jughead. Tomorrow he would be _okay_ – but tonight he wasn’t.

Tonight he remembered every punch he had thrown, every bruise he had caused. The tears were hot and burned where they slid over his skin. Sweet Pea didn’t even try to brush them away. His throat felt tight and raw like he had screamed for hours, his fingers were digging into his pillow and he knew he was shaking a little every time he sucked in a breath. Burying his face in his pillow, he cried, letting the pain out just once. The pillow just took everything and kept his secrets – the tears that streamed down his cheeks, the ragged sobs that would occasionally tear their way out of his lungs.

It took Sweet Pea a long time to fall asleep that night. When he would wake up in the morning, his body would ache, but he would brush the tears from his face and put on a smirk for the world to see. No-one would see the boy curled around his pillows, wishing for someone to hold him.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta at the moment - if you would like to beta, hit me up!  
> 


End file.
